1.) The printer is automatically selected to “use printer offline.”
2.) Upon deselecting “use printer offline,” the print status of any documents in the queue is changed to “Error – printing” at which point anything in the queue will hang.
3.) The printer will reset itself to “use printer offline” upon power cycle or OS reboot, therefore leading to an endless cycle of 1, 2, and 3.

It turns out my issue was in the IOGEAR USB hub I use. I’m not sure if Windows 7 is having trouble dealing with the drivers (it was working in XP about a week ago) or the hub is just flat-out fried. Either way, I’ve seen a lot of threads on Google with the same problem but lack a resolution. Here’s one more thing to try, even if it’s a “well, duh.” If that doesn’t work, it can’t hurt to go with the always popular “reinstall the driver.”